In this true story, I share my first experience of hearing my inner voice, or higher self. The lesson it taught me was invaluable to me, though I still try to live up to it to this day. It’s not always easy to follow-up, and to listen to what we learn, but I do hope that these words can help someone else understand themselves as well.
It was a September afternoon, and I was helping my grandmother bake a cake for my friend’s birthday. He had always wanted to try one of her upside down fruit cakes, so she had promised to prepare one just for him for his special day. I had already procrastinated enough, but had thought the whole process would be effortless. My grandma asked me to get the round baking pan. I looked in a cabinet, and found the top part of the pan while expecting to find its bottom at the same place… Imagine my surprise when I could not find it there.
The cake had to be ready fast, and the party had already started, so I understandably got worried, and looked in every single space and cabinet over again. Growing frustrated, I asked my mother to help me look for the pan. We continued our search in our old garage, and then went back to the kitchen to look some more, to no avail. As I was searching still, my grandma told me to get any square pan, because she needed to start the process. When I heard her say this, I became upset because I grew fond of the idea of using the round pan. I wanted this one! The other ones were square, and I felt the cake needed to be round.
As I searched indefinitely and grew more tired, I found two different round bottoms that seemed to fit. One of them was a flat surface just like the pan’s design, and the other was round but with a deeper shape. The first one was slightly too big for the pan’s sides while the other too small. At this point, believe it or not, tears started to flow down my face. It’s not easy to accept defeat, especially when you know that something should be there but isn’t showing up. I spent a while fighting the almost identical too big bottom with the flat surface, and then decided to stop. There was nothing I could do with the other one, since it clearly was not a fit. My grandmother reminded me again to grab any pan, and that alone almost made me burst in tears.
I got up on a small ladder to look once more in the upper cabinets, but with no luck. As I was crying, ruminating to myself, and looking still, I slowly started to hear a small voice asking me:
“What is it that you’re looking for? Do you really know what you’re looking for?”
I thought and replied to the voice: “I am looking for the bottom of that pan so we can bake the cake”.
“Is that truly what you are looking for?”, insisted the voice again.
I stopped for a second and thought: “You do have a good point here. What I am looking for is a pan to bake the cake”.
And the voice replied again: “Exactly. It doesn’t matter the shape of the pan. Focus on making sure the ingredients are right, focus on baking the cake well so that it’s not undercooked or burnt. It is okay if you do not know what you’re looking for, as you do not need to know what you’re looking for. You don’t even need to look for anything, because the flavor of your cake doesn’t depend on the shape of the pan you use to bake it in”.
As I thought about my new found lesson, and as I got off the small ladder, I repeated everything I learned to myself: “I don’t need to know what I am looking for. All I need to do is to focus on my ingredients. I don’t even need to look”. I walked towards a cabinet I had opened what had felt like a thousand times, and without even looking or paying attention, my hand fell directly on the bottom of the pan I had been looking for all along, and I only noticed it when I turned my head towards my hand.
This little incident has been my inspiration in my dating life, and keeps me hopeful that I will someday meet my twin flame. More frustrating than knowing what you want, is the inability to find it even when you know it should be there. But what this little lesson taught me more importantly, was that I should not try to find him, or expect him to find me. Sometimes in life, all we need to unlock the best times of our lives is a little moment to breathe and to understand who we are, so that we can naturally align ourself to what is true to who we are.