In life, more important than understanding your surroundings is understanding who you are, as no one can truly make a difference in the world without first knowing themselves. This post I write because I know just how difficult it is to have gifts that take time to master, and I am still learning like a baby. Being an empath who is clairsentient and who has a crystal aura… trust me, I get it! But as I go there are some important lessons I have learned, and if someone else is going through that path, this may just be a shortcut for them.
Lesson 1: Accept your nature, and accept your world… you’ll get to know yourself through acceptance. We are all sentient beings, especially the ones who are in denial. I’m noticing more and more everyday that it is every single person on earth who senses, even if they are not aware. This means I am learning to accept the way I am, because there is a method to the madness, and what I end up seeing through time always is useful.. and if it isn’t, then I guess life goes on.
Learn to let go of your ego, of who you are, of your name, and right then and there you will find yourself. What you will find may not be that you are randomly clairsentient, but that your body tries to tell you more about yourself through your senses. The moment you decide to stop building walls around yourself or fighting what you feel, and the moment you start listening to yourself, is that perfect moment in time when you free yourself. See your clairsentience as an alarm bell instead of a reason to isolate yourself because you’re scared of feeling what isn’t yours; you were made that way by the universe for a reason. When you listen to an alarm bell, it gives you the ability to stop it from ringing, because you take the time to distance yourself, to listen to the message, to draw a conclusion and then finally to move on with your life. The faster you listen, the faster you move on. Keep it moving!
Lesson 2: Don’t date unless you completely understand who you are!! Date yourself instead! Intimate dating was my “mishap” after my divorce in 2014. Though waiting until I was 21 years of age for my first kiss has helped me have a deep connection with myself (that was at the beginning of 2010, as I turned 21 in December 2009), which then helped me recognize myself later as I made full circle. I didn’t date that much after my divorce but the dating done was quite enough to cause confusion, and that is why it was a mistake. It created an energetic imbalance, even as I was completely unaware of it. Today, I have been “sober” from intimacy for a year, and it has been the best time of my life emotionally, as I slowly find myself more and more. I’ve also learned that if I am to have a relationship, it should most likely be with the person who is of the exact energy makeup as I am, or my twin ray. I am guessing that with him, I’ll always technically be with myself; it will simply fit.
Realizing that the things that were happening years ago by the time I turned 20 are still happening now has made me wonder, that if I am 28 now and it still seems like that time when I was 20 years old and quite exactly at that, then where was I, and what the heck happened? I used a process of elimination and realized this was the time I started dating, as before that I did not allow any man to kiss me. Since 2016, I stopped being intimate with anyone after a break-up, and then in 2017 was the “first and last” kiss of a first date with my first boyfriend from over a decade ago (my life is backwards yes), before everything suddenly went back to normal. But it was as though time literally flew and I was brought back to 2009, when I moved from Houston to Florida; and it was quite an amazing experience to bear witness to this time warp. So to all other empaths who feel lost in time or don’t even know they are, I say: Take a break from allowing physical contact of a romantic or sexual nature even if you are in a relationship. Your self will thank you for it, and you can always go back to dating or being intimate when the match feels right, or it simply feels right to allow intimacy.
Lesson 3: Have fun with it.. tears, screams, laughter and all. It’s not easy to feel what you don’t understand, especially when your mind tries to get you to make the connections it does. Let go, and let it be. Don’t judge yourself or others, because if you feel it, someone else might and they are human. Let the feelings pass through and don’t fight them or act on them too fast. And then use it as creative juice. I call it my juice of inspiration, and it is a win-win when you think of it. I once joked with a friend that I had no idea what to write about. And he asked what I would do about that. I said, I guess I’m gonna have to walk into Walmart or Publix to get some more juice because I ran out. And he couldn’t stop laughing at the irony.
Now when I go on platonic dates, I have a blast with it. I’ll ask after saying something random: “which Kristeen was that?” and then we’ll laugh. I mean, people may get defensive and remind you of your name, and sometimes you may get tired of feeling like your space is bulldozed over, but then there are those times when it’s just a lot of fun to sit there and try to identify “who’s this?”… Not being intimate definitely helps to take the pressure off, because I no longer wonder if the guy will run off to one of the Kristeens. I can simply be myself, knowing that I have nothing to lose and that if he leaves, I’ll find a new friend to have platonic mind fun with. I am learning to simply go with the flow and also that someday, I’ll meet a guy and he will see me there with all of my bright colors, and he will find life without my multiple personalities boring. So I am being patient, and having a blast while I am at it.
Lesson 4: Learn to use it to help others, or to at least come up with some ideas. It’s not easy at all. It’s like a place you find yourself that is completely in between. Being around everyone kind of hurts, but the more you run from it the more painful it gets. At some point, you realize that you were created this way because you are supposed to encompass others somehow. But how exactly, because you do need space? It gets you thinking, what can I do that would help others without feeling invaded all the time?
At first, I only wanted energetic privacy. I went with the flow of my thoughts by creating my LLC which legally entitles me privacy, and then I slowly but surely realized I actually had a passion for what I do: creating jewelry made out of gemstones, and maybe even someday venturing into the area of group meditations. But then that’s where going with the flow comes in again, because I wouldn’t have found out how much I enjoyed the area of spirituality or even helping others through it, had I not gone along with the idea of allowing myself to feel completely alone. That is why in life it’s also important to allow others the space they need to figure things out, and I’ve also learned that the hard way by being that person who felt it was unfair for someone else to take their distance from myself: I lost that friendship by forcing them too much, and by being angry with them for wanting a bit of alone time. I took it personally, I took it to mean they did not want me around when they were just broken and needed to lick their wounds. Later on, I realized just how wrong and selfish it was to wish to try to manage someone else’s time while believing they were selfish for wanting to use their own time, just because I wanted their presence.
When I went through my own period of wishing to be left alone, I recognized that lesson. Having matured through being on both sides of the fence, I can now tell someone else who is an empath, who is clairsentient, and who has a blue, indigo, crystal (or other sensitive color) aura: take all the time you need. Because when you do breathe, and when you do nourish yourself, and when you do have the space to love yourself, you’ll wake up one day with ideas that you may not have even thought about had you not taken some distance. Don’t forget that you have to create a living, that you have to acquire a life of your own, and that you have to find your own purpose in order to be a productive citizen. It serves no one to have you suffocated. Don’t be afraid of others leaving, or even pushing you away as you go inward; it isn’t an easy process, but those who do matter will welcome you and will be an important part of your growth and their own. Besides, guess who will come to you when they encounter their own very tough spiritual awakening?
Lesson 5: Most important of all, manage your darn time! You do not need an LLC or a legal self-contract to manage your time (I have both). Learn to create a schedule for yourself where you allot time in each day for different activities you feel should be in your day, including the private ones. This might actually also free up some time for you too see just how much time you do have to help others. I am creating my own schedule now, and I’m even including eating time, time to take my grandma to dialysis and to pick her up, time for class, time for homework, time for shower, time for self-intimacy, etc.
Exploring that idea helped me to notice just how much I almost teared myself apart, because if I was trying to do everything and then going to sleep and eating, then how long would a day be? A month? A year? Eight years? No. A day is and should be exactly 24 hours in human clock time, as even if we were created at the image of God, we are still human beings who need to live and breathe. So I have decided to create a daily schedule that also allows for free time and private time for those things that are unexpected, to print it out, and to follow it every single day as planned and scheduled.
Writing in my blog is also scheduled, believe it or not, and the interesting part of this is the fact that I’ve actually started to follow the schedule naturally. Why is this relevant to empaths and to those who are clairsentient? It forces your brain to create order; expectedly, you no longer feel so lost since your mind becomes much more organized as to what happens when and where. So you may no longer have to deal with your work or your “visits” into stores bleeding into your dates… At least not as much.. and you may no longer have to worry about the “when was the last time I saw you” effect, since every single time of the day would be full of whatever it is you wish to fill it up with.
So there you have it! Five important lessons I am learning as I cope with being myself. Being a sensitive is not easy in this world, but we can learn to be ourself and to help others without feeling as though we are drowning, or haven’t got the time to nurture the being that we are. I hope these lessons learned helped, and I wish everyone a nice 24 hour day!